Doing it anyway when you're scared

Have you ever been so scared of failing you were frozen in fear?

Me too. More times than I expected would happen.

Earlier this month I launched my new website while feeling scared out of my mind. Well not by the time I hit publish, but there were several moments leading up to it that felt like swimming through mud, tangly weeds gripping my ankles underneath the surface.

Each time I felt that way I would wonder if it was a sign I should stop. Admittedly, I look for the easy path, the choices that feel natural, and most of the time it's helpful. So when this is hard happens I usually run for the exit while looking for reasons why the hard-ness is a sign. Because everything can be a sign, right?

Any number of times in the process of creating the new home for Simply Leap, I thought I should turn back, give up, delay longer, anything but keep going. Most times what got me through my fear to take one-more-incremental-step was telling good friends I was scared. People who know what it's like to try something new and want more than anything to turn back. And others who are Zen masters of focus and drive; it's not that they don't get scared, they just don't stop long enough to consider it. From the former I felt comforted that I wasn't alone, and from the latter I learned I could choose not to look at what could get in my way.

Why I finally hit publish was after listening to Reshma Saujani's TED Talk on teaching girls bravery and not perfection. How some of us as girls were taught to be perfect, to get it right or else, that failure could mean losing respect, love, attention, belonging...instead of what boys were taught to try everything, jump off jungle gyms, see what happens, brush yourself off and go for it all over again.

If I'm trying to get it right all the time, how will I ever really go for it? How will you?

No wonder it felt so hard, I was swimming through get it right or else mud. I was scared to try anything because the stakes were so high if I got it wrong. 

Reshma ended with: "I need each of you to tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection." Take off the young part, and add a yes, please. 

Another video, this one from Business Insider, being shared lately on social media has a similar message: Spanx CEO Sara Blakey redefining failure as a good thing, and not-trying as the real failure. A lesson she learned from her dad. 

Maybe these, and the good friends you lean on, will keep you Doing It Anyway the next time you'd rather hide in fear. Not knowing if you'll get it right means you could fall or knock it out of the park. Either way you still get the love, respect, belonging from people you trust, including me. Time to jump off a jungle gym!    

What helps you move through fear?

Please comment below or join our living room circle to hear what others are saying!

This wasn't what I had in mind

"...so why does it feel so right?"

Nearly one year ago to the day my friend - writer and communications consultant Amanda Hirsch - along with her husband and young daughter uprooted from their home in Brooklyn to resettle near their families in Washington, D.C. 

Nearly one year later to the day, they are moving back to New York City, and she's leaving her successful consulting business to return to corporate America.

I think I can speak for most of the readers of her blog, Having it Alt, that this wasn't what any of us had in mind for her either. After hearing her story, though, it makes perfect sense.

"From our first conversation, I felt a strong connection...and the more we talked, the more I felt this pull — this feeling of rightness. When they asked if I might consider a new full-time role they were creating, I said yes, I was open to that. It turns out, that role is pretty much made for me."

Today's LeapStory is about that feeling of rightness. What can feel like a never-ending uphill search that suddenly turns into the clearest, most comforting "Of Course" ever.

Amanda is not only a good friend, but also a fellow A-student-at-life. She knows what it's like to spend a whole lot of time and mental energy trying to make the right choice. We may have had more than one, two, five intense conversations wondering: Is this it? Or, is this? How will you know for sure?!?

Then, as most of us have experienced and Amanda just did this week, the right choice walks up and taps you on the shoulder, and all of that wondering fades away as if it was never really that hard to figure out. It doesn't matter that this wasn't what I had in mind. The clarity of an answer can feel so good we just run at it full speed without looking back.

But that look back is instrumental to every future leap and to making the most of this right one that just found you. Here's a quick assignment.

Remember a feeling of rightness from your present or past. How you knew the right college for you (I saw a gorgeous tree with low hanging branches in the center of campus, and my gut said yes), the right partner, the right city... Next, write down:

• How did you feel before, when you didn't know and were trying so hard to figure it out?
• What was the moment when You Knew? That feeling of rightness and shoulder tap. Where were you, what happened, what was the feeling inside? Capture every detail.
• How did this feeling of rightness set in motion more things falling into place?

Because that happens, too. Suddenly you know the direction to go in and people, ideas, opportunities open up in front of you. Keep the answers to these questions somewhere special, so the next time you're searching for the right answer they can remind you not to work so hard, asking everyone for their opinions. You will know.

Here's to the feeling of rightness finding you today, like it has for Amanda. In case it comes tomorrow instead, may her words help in the meantime:

"My mantra these days, as I share news of this major life change with family and friends, is, 'Life is weird.' It really is! Weird and wonderful in its ability to surprise us — and beautiful, in how it provides space for us to continue to surprise ourselves."