How’s your “new normal”?

If you’re like me, it really depends on the moment.

Sometimes I take my own advice from two weeks ago and brush my teeth, drink water, and text my mom a funny joke to encourage her not to walk around Rite Aid even though she’s bored.

At other times, today for instance, I cried and broke out in hives before noon.

Based on what I’m seeing from others on social media and feeling in my own body, these are stages of grief. Nice that Harvard Business Review agrees. We are collectively grieving change on a level most of us were unprepared for and without an end in sight.

On top of that is having to hold it together for others.

If you let yourself, you can likely feel the burden of other people depending on you for stability, a sense of calm and order, being their shoulder to cry on.

That’s a lot, especially if you don’t have a shoulder for your crying.

As an A student, this time may also bring out your superpowers. You could excel at being thrown into action, managing schedules, comforting loved ones, and working out to one of the many new online classes.

If you’re firing on all cylinders, go you! And if in the quiet moments you also break out in hives, you’re not alone. If you want to talk through either, my calendar is still open for Pep Talks.

More support when you need it:

1) Brave the discomfort. Brené Brown has a new podcast and I already listened to the first episode twice because it’s about this pandemic being a FFT — “F-ing First Time” — for all of us. There’s a relief in naming our collective new territory plus she also offers concrete steps to move through it.

2) Make a to-do list. The first thing that went out the window when changes started? My to-do list. The thing that will save my sanity, and keep me positive and productive? You guessed it. No doubt your to-do list is different in a lot of ways than a month ago, so if you haven’t already (go A students!) make a new one. Decorate it special, choose a new font. The version I offer my mailing list might help.

3) Join me for a Lunch Break on Instagram this Wednesday at 1pm ET. I’m speaking with Stella Yoon of Hudson River Exchange about how we’re navigating this new normal as business owners and what might help you too. Follow her to see when we go live.

4) Choose hope. I listened to a meditation by Oprah and Deepak Chopra on Hope in Uncertain Times, and she quoted Maya Angelou: “Hope and fear can’t occupy the same place. Invite one to stay.” You might need to re-invite hope several times a day, treating it as a form of meditation: choosing hope (for your family, business, health and community), and when your mind wanders choosing hope all over again.

I believe so much in you, and what’s possible when we lean on each other.

A lesson from Brené Brown

Seeing this on Tuesday stopped me in my tracks.

Brené Brown posted this in response to the continued aftermath of the mass shootings in Parkland and Newtown. I’m sharing it, because of my response: I was dumbstruck.

I know there is pain in the world. I know I carry my own and deal with it in healthy and unhealthy ways, like I assume many people do. Until I read this though, I didn’t know WHAT TO DO about it.

At first I thought, “How did I not know this? We’re supposed to look people in the eye?”

Then, “I wish I was taught this as a child like she was.”

Finally, “I’m being taught now. I can learn this now.”

Two hours later I had my chance, and to be honest it felt really awkward.

I was parked outside of a Starbucks on my phone, when I noticed two people talking / arguing in the car next to me. It wasn’t loud. I couldn’t tell for sure. When I looked up again, the man was gone and the woman remained in the driver’s seat leaning against the inside of the window in sunglasses, her lips and jaw clenched.

The instant I realized she was crying, my eyes darted away. Because that’s what I’d done my whole life. Assumed it was private and didn’t want to pry. Not wanting to be around difficult emotions is more like it, because even a car away with the windows closed, I could feel her pain. And my own.

Inside my head, the lesson began, “This is what Brené was talking about.”

Now, I didn’t handle it perfectly. I have a lot of learning still to do.

I didn’t leave my car and knock on her window. As a deer-caught-in-headlights sort of person, it’s really hard to remember I have legs at times like these, let alone how to use them.

What I did do was notice what was happening, notice my reaction, and stay present throughout. While she started shaking, the tears streaming passed her glasses and down her face, I looked over several more times. Soft glances to check in while lovingly sending her energy.

I stopped working on my phone and sat with her a car away.

That’s I think what Brené is asking us to do.

Look people in the eye. Acknowledge our mutual, complicated, uncomfortable humanity. Stop hiding behind our phones, or fiberglass.

It’s not going to be perfect, and as an A-student that’s a tough one.

Wanting to know WHAT TO DO so I can get it right. Some people don’t want to be approached, or say they don’t. Some people want it and don’t know how to ask. Some people want to reach out, but don’t know how or are afraid it will be rejected.

We all, everyone, have to push through that and reach out. Be present for each other, and ourselves, with tough emotions. We need to get it wrong, feel awkward, and keep at it.

Yes, be scared & do it anyway.

Thanks for the lesson, Brené.