What to do instead of hiding

In conversations lately, I’ve heard a lot of insecurity about the world and our place in it, money and having “enough” of it, and time and losing it to constant recalibrating. And that was before the virus started spreading.

I can’t be the only one who wants to hide when things happen that have no clear solution.

Of course plans need to change in order to keep people healthy, and of course our businesses and lives will change along with those plans. Kids will be home from school. Customers will make less of some purchases while buying a whole bunch of toilet paper.

And what do we do in the face of all of this?

Some ideas, and I’d love to hear yours too:

1. Remember the basics. Take deep breaths, drink water and wash your hands often. Like every great goal you’ve achieved, the small consistent steps are the most meaningful.

2. Stay grounded. Brush your teeth while looking in the mirror and really see yourself. You’re here. You’re safe in this moment. You are loved big time.

3. Show people you care. Tell people you love them. Phone calls, sending letters (there’s still time to join my real mail #hugtour or start your own!), smiling at drivers you pass on the highway or shoppers in the aisle over. Thanking postal workers, school bus drivers and pharmacists.

4. Create contingencies. Life changes all the time, and though now feels unprecedented it will feel that way again in the future. What’s most important? Really answer that question for yourself, your family and your work, and then make plans accordingly.

5. Make lemonade. I’m pretty sure you’re already good at this one. Enjoy the first signs of spring by looking for them everywhere. Get dirty finishing a home improvement project and feel good about the accomplishment. Re-start that daily gratitude journal. Borrow more books from the library. Use the changes as a way to innovate your work.

And if accountability helps—we are A students after all—email me about how you’re making lemonade.

Maybe we can brainstorm some fun ideas or inspire each other to get creative.

Let’s make the most of this time. How special it is.

A lesson from Brené Brown

Seeing this on Tuesday stopped me in my tracks.

Brené Brown posted this in response to the continued aftermath of the mass shootings in Parkland and Newtown. I’m sharing it, because of my response: I was dumbstruck.

I know there is pain in the world. I know I carry my own and deal with it in healthy and unhealthy ways, like I assume many people do. Until I read this though, I didn’t know WHAT TO DO about it.

At first I thought, “How did I not know this? We’re supposed to look people in the eye?”

Then, “I wish I was taught this as a child like she was.”

Finally, “I’m being taught now. I can learn this now.”

Two hours later I had my chance, and to be honest it felt really awkward.

I was parked outside of a Starbucks on my phone, when I noticed two people talking / arguing in the car next to me. It wasn’t loud. I couldn’t tell for sure. When I looked up again, the man was gone and the woman remained in the driver’s seat leaning against the inside of the window in sunglasses, her lips and jaw clenched.

The instant I realized she was crying, my eyes darted away. Because that’s what I’d done my whole life. Assumed it was private and didn’t want to pry. Not wanting to be around difficult emotions is more like it, because even a car away with the windows closed, I could feel her pain. And my own.

Inside my head, the lesson began, “This is what Brené was talking about.”

Now, I didn’t handle it perfectly. I have a lot of learning still to do.

I didn’t leave my car and knock on her window. As a deer-caught-in-headlights sort of person, it’s really hard to remember I have legs at times like these, let alone how to use them.

What I did do was notice what was happening, notice my reaction, and stay present throughout. While she started shaking, the tears streaming passed her glasses and down her face, I looked over several more times. Soft glances to check in while lovingly sending her energy.

I stopped working on my phone and sat with her a car away.

That’s I think what Brené is asking us to do.

Look people in the eye. Acknowledge our mutual, complicated, uncomfortable humanity. Stop hiding behind our phones, or fiberglass.

It’s not going to be perfect, and as an A-student that’s a tough one.

Wanting to know WHAT TO DO so I can get it right. Some people don’t want to be approached, or say they don’t. Some people want it and don’t know how to ask. Some people want to reach out, but don’t know how or are afraid it will be rejected.

We all, everyone, have to push through that and reach out. Be present for each other, and ourselves, with tough emotions. We need to get it wrong, feel awkward, and keep at it.

Yes, be scared & do it anyway.

Thanks for the lesson, Brené.