When will it ever be "enough"?

You work hard, and then what?

You set a bigger goal. Or you judge yourself for not pushing harder. Or compare yourself to what someone else is doing. And then what?

It is so easy to get caught in the achieve-achieve-achieve loop.

As people-pleasing A students, it’s in our blood. There is always a new milestone to reach, or someone else we can compare ourselves to. Our families, our bosses, our customers, the stranger we just met who seems really cool, the Instagrammer in our industry with 10x more followers.

I’m sure you figured out a long time ago that there is no end point. There is only more.

Unless we decide, for ourselves, what is enough.

I’m not going to lie, this is hard. As someone who has lived most of her life relying on structure — do this and get an A — deciding for myself what deserves an A felt unknown.

It made me so uncomfortable, I looked for ways to avoid figuring it out:

• Following someone else’s path. “If they decide to only grow their business to this level, it must be okay.”

• Waiting for permission. “If she says I’ve done enough, it must be okay.”

The thing is? If it’s not your definition of enough, or if you don’t give yourself the permission, then it will never count. The chasing and self-judgment will continue.

Because underneath this search is often a harsh belief: “I’m not good enough as I am so I need to do this and this and this to prove that I am.”

Ugh, no. We need to change that.

How to decide what’s “enough”

1. Start small.

   Keep it manageable: for instance the project you’re working on right now. Maybe it’s a meeting you’re about to have, or (like in my case) something you’re writing.

2. Define your goal.

   Is it for someone to respond favorably to your offer? Is it so people feel less alone, or have more tools than they had before (my goal with this post)? Is it to get a raise? To convince people to buy from you? Be really clear and concise about your intention so you will know you’ve achieved it.

3. Consider what’s “enough” effort to reach this goal.

   Is doing every possible thing, no stone unturned, more than anyone else would really required? Or have you done enough already? Is what you’ve written (said, did) good enough for the clear goal you set? If you need to add or change or do a little more in service of that goal, what little bit will help? It probably won’t take much more if you stay true to what you defined in #2.

4. Notice when you start looking around.

   If in answering #3, you thought of someone else and what they might do or might think of what you’re doing, it’s a sign to go back to #1 & 2 and focus on YOUR ANSWER. You are the one who has set this goal, chosen this project, you are also the one who decides what is enough.

5. Repeat.

   Like any new muscle we’re developing, this is not a one-and-done scenario. Keep deciding what’s enough in each new situation. What’s enough today for you to feel accomplished? What’s enough likes on social media to reach your intended goal with that post? What’s enough in your bank account for the life you’d like to live? Don’t know? Go back to the top and start again.

Want to talk through what this looks like for your work? Let’s get on the phone. Or comment here and tell me!

What are you learning about “enough”?

When should you leap?

This was posed in my Life-Lovers and Leapers community this week: 

“Where is the line for you before you know it’s time to make the leap?
How do you know it’s the right move?”

Great questions, right? 

The answers are even better. Fellow leapers pulled up a chair for the conversation, weighing in on when they knew deep down their moment had arrived, or when fate took a hand and showed them a sign they couldn't ignore. 

[How do you know when it's time to leap? Sign up here to receive your personal invitation to our Life-Lovers and Leapers community so you can weigh in, too.]

Leaping is pretty personal, as are the signs that are the most meaningful to you. That said, here are ways that help many of my clients when they are on the leaping fence:

1) Trust Your Gut. 

This works best if you're not feeling pressured to make a decision right now. If you are, it's harder to discern what your gut is trying to say. If you're relaxed - if where you are is already fine and you're open to what's next - then check in with yourself.   

Take a couple deep breaths and imagine your favorite place that always makes you smile. Let yourself relax into that scene, soften your shoulders, smile fully, and then ask yourself: 

"If I could have anything I want, what would that be?" or "Will this leap help me feel this way more often?" 

You know the answer, even if you're not ready to admit it yet. That's when Trust needs to kick in. Trust that the answer you keep searching for has already tapped on your shoulder, or butterflied in your gut. Time to listen.

2) Forget "right." 

When these questions popped up in our community, the word "right" immediately stood out.

When you worry about making the "right" decision - sometimes worrying to the point of not being able to make a decision at all - you're essentially asking yourself to predict the future. Or else. You're not trusting in yourself, your gut, or the universe/divine intervention/fate either. That's piling on a lot of pressure, something you wouldn't do to anyone else you care about.

Speaking of, if someone you love was worried about making the "right" decision, what would you say? 

Exactly. How about listening to your own advice?

[I blogged recently about trying to get it right, check that out here.]

3) Leap then Plan, or Plan then Leap?

Leaping comes in two main varieties - leaping first, or planning then leaping. When you leap first, which tends to be my strategy, as the saying goes, you "build the parachute on the way down." It can cause some extra anxiety, but I find it prevents me from over-thinking and therefore talking myself out of it. I know myself well enough that if I have to think too much about something I probably don't really want to do it anyway. If I'm all-in immediately and let that carry me forward, then it is meant to be. 

For those who are of the plan-first variety, that also works. Gathering enough information and putting enough steps in place so you have a sense of where you're headed helps you feel more in control of the outcome. You take care of your fear in advance, making peace with it and giving it details to hold onto, in essence giving yourself permission to leap. 

Either way, and let's be really clear about this: You can never know what will happen when you leap.

Life doesn't work that way. You can plan all you want and still at some point have to have the dreaded conversation, give notice, hire a moving van, sign on the dotted line. After that, there is no way of knowing what others will do and what will come next. 

Leaping is about facing the unknown, which brings us back to Trust. If you're not comfortable with the unknown in the current decision you're facing, then you're not comfortable with leaping...and there's the answer for what to do. If you trust that whatever happens will be for the best, then get going!

How do you know when you're ready to leap? Share below or join our Life-Lovers & Leapers community [sign up here to receive your personal invitation] to weigh in on the discussion!